We’ve read so many great descriptions of these much-needed nibbles that I felt a compilation was in order, a sort of snacking index of shame. I again thank my guests for generously sharing secrets – and now it’s your turn. For every comment revealing a secret snack of shame, we will happily donate a can of food to our local food bank. Sweet, savory, or an odd couple combination – spill! Let’s help out and let’s hear what you’ve just got to have.

* In Josie Grills Mom, my daughter did not ask for my secret snack of shame, presumably because she views them openly every day. And I forgot to ask Chocolate & Zucchini’s Clotilde Dusoulier for hers, presumably because she lives in Paris, where shameful food is scarce.

THE SWEET

A veritable candyland where Gummis and Tootsie Rolls rule. Also, crunchy goods in colorful packages.

Todd and Diane, White on Rice Couple: Todd: Tootsie Rolls. I’ll eat the whole bag.  Diane: Banana Twinkies. I’ll eat half the box and hide the rest so that Todd can’t find them. Yes, they’re all mine. He’ll eat all his tootsie rolls and my Twinkies too!

Molly Wizenberg, Orangette: Gummy candies! I LOVE GUMMY CANDIES! Especially the “gummy fruit salad” in the bulk bin at my usual grocery store.

Diana McMillen, Midwest Living: Eating more warm-from-the-oven chocolate chip cookies than I should. I guess I could say eating warm-from-the-oven any kind of cookies is my secret shame. They’re too irresistible.

Jenni Sampson, Thirteen11: Keebler Fudge Sticks. But I never buy them, because I can eat the entire package in a day.

Josie Naron: I have many snacks of shame, unfortunately most of them are not so secret.  Jelly beans on bagels with cream cheese, any type of sour gummies, and Tootsie Rolls with raw cranberries are just a few. There are many.

Peabody Rudd, Culinary Concoctions by Peabody: Frozen Twinkies. Honey Buns slightly heated. Strawberry Frosted Pop Tarts.

Julia Knispel, Hooked on Houses: Cocoa Puffs. It’s simply impossible for me to stop at only one bowl. This is my idea of a late-night snack when the kids are in bed and nobody can see me refilling the bowl again…and again…and again… That’s right. I admitted it. I’m cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs!

Diana Kuan, Appetite for China: I eat way more gummy bears than a woman my age should. I also love instant ramen in any shape or form.

Sally Jacobs, The Practical Archivist: Oh, dear. Can I preface this by saying I’m not proud of my secret snack of shame? It’s those horrible mini “chocolate” donuts. There is no explaining it…I mean the waxy fake chocolate is awful. And yet? Once a year I have to have them.

Mike Trendel, The Greasy Skillet: Pillsbury Cookie Dough. I’ve also been known to eat pie and cake for breakfast.

Erin Nichols, Erin Cooks: If by shame you mean immense feelings of guilt, then I’ll confess to the fact that I have been known to make a batch of cookie dough just to eat the dough. I never feel good about that decision afterwards and neither do my jeans.

Jane from Beach House: As a child I used to eat Bird’s Custard Powder out of the tin mixed with a little cold milk. Cornstarch, sugar and food colouring, the perfect after-school snack. Now that my tastes are so much more sophisticated it’s a pinch of shredded Cheddar and Monterey Jack cheese, straight out of the bag.

Caroline Lubbers, Whipped: Donuts, donuts and more donuts

Jeannie Olson, House in Progress: Girl Scout cookies by the box. Preferably those Samoa things with coconut.

April Phillips, Coal Creek Farm: This is embarrassing, but when I’m premenstrual I turn into The Woman That Buys Cheap Disgusting Snacks From Wal-Mart. All of the sudden the cheapest bagged crap look like the most delicious cookie ever made and who can resist an Oatmeal Cream Pie, Star Crunch or Zebra Cake? Something in me says, “Go buy a box of corn syrup mixed with wax and pour it down your throat, you will feel better.” You know what? It does make me feel better. Oh, and one time I ate a 5-lb bag of Hot Tamales that I bought at Sam’s in the span of five days. I smelled like a Yankee candle.

Melanie from BeanPaste: Frosting.  Final answer.

THE SAVORY

featuring odd combos, pantry staples and a generous dose of salty-cheesy

Tara Austen Weaver, Tea & Cookies: Kraft Mac & Cheese, with the fluorescent orange “cheese” packet.

Julie Van Rosendaal, Dinner With Julie: OK you guys, I’ve never told anyone this, but I love raisins and cheese. Wait, it gets worse.  As a kid I loved the combo so much – and of course melty cheese is always better than the cold stuff – that I would melt cheese in a mug in the microwave, then stir in a handful of raisins and eat it with a spoon.  And – sometimes I still do.

Sara Reddy Coyne, Culinerapy: my all-time favorite snack is not all that scandalous: toasted sourdough bread topped with avocado, salt and pepper. I grew up on three acres of avocado trees, so avocado has a recurring role in my snack fantasies.

Alicia Paulson, Posie Gets Cozy: Elbow macaroni with butter.

Liz Upton, Gastronomy Domine: There is a cupboard in our kitchen called Liz’s Disgusting Things Cupboard. It’s full of the things I like that my fastidious husband wouldn’t touch – dried Malaysian fish spackled with a sweet satay seasoning, tinned sardines (there are lots of those – sardines on toast is a favourite lunch), peanut butter and grape jelly, XO-flavoured ramen – you know, there’s lots to be said for a lunch that costs 30p.

Lydia Walshin, The Perfect Pantry: Egg salad made with Miracle Whip, on Wheat Thins.

Jeannette Ordas, Everybody Likes Sandwiches: When I was little it was yellow mustard spread thinly over buttered toast or margarine mixed with brown sugar to make “frosting” since my parents didn’t keep treats in the house. Now that I’m all grown up, it’s sneaking sips of pickle juice from the jar – actually I did that when I was a kid too!

Francie Baker, Frantic Home Cook: A pickle, mustard and onion “sundae” – mounds of dill pickles, drizzled with mustard and sprinkled with chopped onion. And no, I’m not pregnant.

KianLam Kho, Red Cook: Spam. Maybe growing up in Asia and eating lots of Spam with rice in my lunch box as a child has made me crave for it. I buy six-packs of them from Costco.

Rachel Rappaport, Coconut & Lime: Hmm. Hot dogs?

SWEET and SALTY

as in Nutella and Saltines (oh yes, it’s good) sweet and salty won’t be kept apart.

Jean, Renovation Therapy: Oh man, this could take a while. On the way home last week I bought a Diet Coke and a small bag of Doritos and proclaimed myself “16 again.” When I am stressed out to the MAX…I hit Hostess Cupcakes. Bad. Bad. Bad.

Joanne Asala, The Box House: Nachos with cheese and jalapenos. I can’t enjoy a movie out without them. At home? Chocolate. In cookies. In cakes. Chocolate ice cream. Chocolate bars. Bottles of Hershey’s Syrup flipped open and chugged like a soft drink. Ugh. No wonder it’s been a while since I’ve seen a Size 2. Oh! And cream cheese on Saltines. I blame my mother for introducing me to that one.

Rechelle Malin, My Sister’s Farmhouse: I am a junk food junkie. But the problem is I keep trying to hide my stash from my kids and THEY ALWAYS FIND IT!!!

Monica Bhide, A Life of Spice: I just LOVE chili BBQ chips, and Haagen-Dazs Dulce de Leche ice cream.

Marilyn, Simmer Till Done: Saltines, butter and honey. Life without this trusty trio, impossible.

THE UNASHAMED

if you love something, set its snacking powers free.

Sara Reddy Coyne, Culinerapy: Oh, honey, I have no shame. You’re talking to a grown woman who openly admits that one of her favorite meals is chili cheese fries. I regularly eat ice cream in the middle of the day straight from the carton, and I dip my pizza crust in bottled ranch dressing.

Francis Lam, food writer: Screw that. You like something, own up to it.

Tara Austen Weaver, Tea & Cookies: I’m also a sucker for Jelly Belly jelly beans, but I’m not ashamed of that. I try to find the packet with the largest number of black beans, which are my favorite.  I also have a fondness for sour gummy things, licorice chalk, and onion rings.  I also eat an indecent amount of pickles.  I’m not ashamed of that either.

Grace Mannon, A Southern Grace:I refuse to be ashamed by my snacking. That said, I hide my candy corn and circus peanuts like they’re illegal. Truth be told, they probably should be.

Cookbook author Carole Walter: Brownies

CHOOSY SNACKERS CHOOSE PB

Peanut butter figures largely into secret snacking. My sister often unscrewed a jar of Skippy, stirred in M & M’s, chocolate chips and mini Rold Gold pretzels, then spooned.

Sandy, Foodhoe: I like fat with my fat and when I’m alone in the house, I’ll park at the table with a jar of Adam’s crunchy peanut butter and scoop piles of it onto any kind of chocolate

Gwen Ashley Walters, Pen & Fork: Peanut butter — on a spoon, straight from the jar.

THE BIG DIPPER

Eddie Ross: Ruffles dipped in Temp-Tee cream cheese.

THE GROSS BUT YOU KNOW WANT IT

Julie Van Rosendaal, Dinner With Julie: Slightly less disgusting: my mom used to make us cheese sandwiches on raisin bread, and now I make grilled cheese sandwiches on raisin bread.  You should try it – especially with old white cheddar or Gouda.  Yum.

The ultimate sweet and salty, for mom.
What’s your secret snack of shame?

How often do you think about eating?

Um, all the time? I never understood those people who “forget to eat” – how do you forget to eat? It’s the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I fantasize about before I fall asleep. Probably the reason we only have one child…

Coffee craving?

I adore coffee, but just as often hate it. I’m not one of those coffee junkies that will drink any cup of Joe served to them. I’m an espresso girl – I love the crema – straight up or in an Americano, and it must have cream, and little or no sugar. Sometimes I get a cheap latte at Starbucks by ordering a tall Americano in a grande cup and then filling it with milk. I’m also a huge fan of coffee ice cream and coffee chocolates, but not so much of coffee breath.

Favorite hometown food?

Fried oatmeal with lemon curd and cream at Diner Deluxe, hot fudge sundaes from Peters Drive-In, lobster poutine from Brava Bistro (although lobster isn’t exactly prairie food..), Vietnamese subs from ThiThi, Jimmy’s A&A chicken shawarmas (eat them in flip-flops), Crave-o-Licious cupcakes

Ever been served breakfast in bed?

Now that you mention it – no. Thanks for pointing out a gaping hole in my romantic life.

Food that makes you gag?

Licorice (black) is the only food that makes me gag – it even makes me gag when other people eat it – I can pick up licorice breath a hundred metres away. Oh wait – and oysters. No can do.

Worst kitchen disaster:

We were taping a cookie show once and someone filled the sugar bowl with salt, so that the chocolate chip cookies we made had a half cup of salt in them. Amazingly they still turned out – they looked great, anyway, but at the end of the show I had to break one open and eat it, and I’m pretty sure my eyeballs jumped right out of my head. Another time, a bunch of friends and I rented a cabin up by Whistler, and we almost burned the place down toasting almonds for a salad. Seriously – shooting flames almost reaching old wooden rafters while all of us stood around it with our glasses of wine, trying to summon up the proper procedure for kitchen fires, until one of my friends thought to pull the old gas stove away from the wall and turn off the gas. It was a New Year’s Eve miracle!

Leftovers in your fridge?

I hope not – we’re out of town right now. My freezer is crammed with leftovers at all times – mostly unlabelled, as I’m always sure I’ll be able to identify them when the time comes. Often we play Russian roulette at dinner – whatever I pull out of the freezer in the morning is what we eat.

Your idea of a romantic meal:

Any meal that doesn’t involve a 4 year old scooping the ice out of my drink with his hands and sucking on it noisily. Or any meal made for me by a man not related to me.

Secret snack of shame?

OK you guys, I’ve never told anyone this, but I love raisins and cheese. Wait, it gets worse. As a kid I loved the combo so much – and of course melty cheese is always better than the cold stuff – that I would melt cheese in a mug in the microwave, then stir in a handful of raisins and eat it with a spoon. And-sometimes I still do. Slightly less disgusting: my mom used to make us cheese sandwiches on raisin bread, and now I make grilled cheese sandwiches on raisin bread. You should try it – especially with old white cheddar or Gouda. Yum.

Best restaurant if you’re not paying:

SoBo in Tofino – wait, that would be the best even if I was picking up the tab! Also Vij’s in Vancouver, Capo, Teatro, Centini, Rouge and River Cafe in Calgary…

If you were a cocktail, what would you be?

I can’t seem to come up with a good answer to this one. Moscato d’Asti is better than prosecco – it’s impossible to drink and not be happy. There’s one kind from Italy that has a blue metal pop top that’s slightly hip, slightly trashy… not really a cocktail, unless you pour it over a teeny scoop of raspberry gelato…

Favorite pizza place?

If/when I go I’m sure it will be Delancey in Seattle – in the meantime I’ll settle for those made in wood-fired ovens on Saturday afternoons at the Italian Supermarket in Calgary.

Extra credit: a great recipe with less than five ingredients:

How to win friends and influence people: take nice, plump medjool dates, pull out the pits (use tweezers) and replace them with pit-sized (or slightly larger) chunks of Parmesan cheese. Wrap in a half or third of a slice of bacon, place them seam-side down on a baking sheet and bake at 400 F until the bacon cooks and shrinkwraps the dates, and the cheese starts to ooze.

You’re welcome.

With that in mind I chose Josie interviewing me. From February 3, 2009, complete with original Tuesday intro, I hope you enjoy this lovely mother-daughter Tell Simmer mess.

————————

Welcome to a special Tell Simmer Tuesday. If you’ve missed it the last few weeks, fear not – there are a few special interviews in deep hibernation, just waiting for the right sunny day. In the meantime, my daughter staged a coup, and declared that the next Tell Simmer would, in fact, feature me. The result, I’m afraid, is navel-gazing at its finest; you will not find more colorful self-interest in the blogosphere, I tell you…unless you count David Lebovitz’s meme supreme, 89 Things About Me. I let Josie pick the questions, but kept it down to 14. Because Simmer’s just not that into me.

What is the craziest thing you’ve ever eaten on pizza?

You know I don’t get crazy with my pizza. I don’t do pineapple and jalapenos like some people. You think you’re being cute, but – is this the first of 14 questions designed to get a rise out of me?

What is your favorite song to cook to?

If I am chopping onions I put on Joni Mitchell’s “Blue,” because if I’m going to be crying, I might as well be miserable.

What is your biggest kitchen disaster (if a cook as perfect as you has any?)

Again with the cute. Just because I tell you how to hold a knife and not chop your fingers off doesn’t mean I can’t mess up. You’ve only seen my experienced phase, not the early doofus years.

I’ve scrambled pastry cream and saved a few tippy wedding cakes – but I’d say the most unpleasant wreck occurred in my apprentice days at an extra-famous shmancy Chicago restaurant that Dad says will absolutely not be named now or at any other time. I accidentally omitted sugar from two souffles that were then served, and as I’ve noted before, people who order high-priced desserts want perfect, and behave rather badly without it. May your disaster never happen in a well-heeled dining room.

Who is the TV celeb chef you hate the most, and why?

Now this is just silly. You’re not going to get me to tell them that – the Internets are forever! Besides, she’s wildly successful – er, every day – and I’m just blogging about dinner. Every other day, at best.

What is your most hated dish at family gatherings?

What’s with all the hate talk? Haven’t we always told you that hate is a big word? That we only hate hot weather and frizzy hair?

That said…get serious. I can’t answer that, because I want them to still welcome you at Passover long after I’m gone. Everything on the table is fantastic. Every dish that every single person brings is wonderful.

What celeb would you most like to cook you a meal?

Hmm. I’ll take Harrison Ford – circa Working Girl – carrying a breakfast tray of waffles and mimosas. In a nice white hotel robe. Don’t tell Dad.

We all know that you don’t eat your own pastries very much. What’s the one sweet thing that tempts you?

Okay, you know this, but fine – Lemon Meringue Pie, Pecan Pie (warm, of course) and Key Lime Pie. In that order. Also, fresh-baked rugelach occasionally call from the tray. I am their first responder.

Who is your cooking or baking idol?

Julia Child. When I was five, I’d sit in front of the TV and goggle at Julia, whacking cleavers and slapping giant fish. When she raised her wine glass at the end and said “Bon Appetit,” I’d raise an imaginary glass back. I achingly miss Julia Child.

If you let me and Dad cook all week, what do you think would happen?

There would be a few frozen burritos, one half-peeled orange and a dozen trips to Free State Brewery.

Who is your superhero alter ego?

Wonder Woman, of course. The outfit, the power…the bracelets. Hey! That’s not a food question.

Describe your ideal romantic meal.

Dad and I are clinking glasses in Paris, and you are at military school.

Okay, you ask everyone else, so…what drink would you be?

Irish Coffee: warm and cozy, with a stealthy knockout punch.

Who do you think is the cutest celeb chef?

You are watching way too much TV. Tomorrow, it’s after-school potato peeling.

Who is your perfect sous chef? Moi?

Yes, it’s vous.

I should hope.

Except when you pitch fits about telling you things. Like – how to do them right.

Whatever.

The question is, when do I not think about eating? I really should say tasting because I’m always thinking about the flavor of food, more than the act of actual eating. I want to taste everything.

Coffee craving?

Somewhere along the way, I became a coffee snob. I adore fresh roasted beans and bought my husband a Capresso Jura Impressa J5 for his birthday last year, but it secretly was for me.

Favorite hometown food?

I grew up in West Texas, not necessarily a bastion of local cuisine, or any cuisine for that matter. We did get amazing cantaloupes from Pecos Valley in the summer. We also had some killer BBQ joints. BBQ in Texas means smoky, dry-rubbed brisket slathered in an equally smoky barbecue sauce.

Ever been served breakfast in bed?

Does serving myself count? Otherwise, no. My husband is not a breakfast cook, or any other kind of cook for that matter, but he does wash a mean dish.

Food that makes you gag?

Sea urchin. I think some things are best left in the sea.

Worst kitchen disaster:

How much time do you have? I’ve tested close to 1,000 recipes across my three cookbooks, and there were plenty of kitchen misshaps along the way. The ones I remember the most involve some sort of pain, like the time I pureed a hot soup and the top blew off splattering me with boiling liquid. I learned quickly not to fill a blender more than half full with hot liquid and to apply heavy pressure to the lid, with gentle bursts of speed.

Leftovers in your fridge?

I have a dozen opened jars of salsas, jams, pickles and chutneys. I write a “local” product column for our city’s magazine, and I’m always testing new products. At any given time, I also have several homemade vinaigrettes. Right now I have a golden raisin vinaigrette and a jalapeno-lime vinaigrette.

Your idea of a romantic meal:

Any meal eaten by candlelight, with copious amounts of Champagne and of course, my husband.

Secret snack of shame?

Peanut butter — on a spoon, straight from the jar.

Best restaurant if you’re not paying:

I’ve yet to eat at The French Laundry, but it is on my bucket list. The best restaurant I have tried is Binkley’s Restaurant in Cave Creek, AZ. Chef Kevin Binkley trained under Thomas Keller at The French Laundry, and his chef tasting menus always amaze and astonish me — and set us back a few hundred dollars.

If you were a cocktail, what would you be?

I’m much more of a beer and wine gal. So I’m either a hoppy, hand-crafted brew, or a chilled glass of bone-dry rose.

Favorite pizza place?

We’re so fortunate to have Chris Bianco’s (James Beard winner) Pizzeria Bianco in town. He is in his tiny restaurant every night, personally making each thin-crusted pizza with farm fresh, often organic ingredients. My favorite is the wiseguy: fennel sausage, wood roasted red onions and smoked, housemade mozzarella.

Extra credit } a great recipe with less than five ingredients:

Pecan & Brie Quesadillas

Serves 2 – 4

2 tablespoons mango chutney
3 ounces of Brie, chopped (about 1/2 cup)
2 (8-inch) flour tortillas
3 tablespoons chopped toasted pecans

Spread a tablespoon of mango chutney over each tortilla. Sprinkle cheese over one half of each tortilla. Sprinkle nuts over the cheese. Fold tortillas in half, pressing gently. Cook quesadillas on a preheated griddle (or in a skillet) until tortilla browns and cheese starts to melt, about 2 to 3 minutes, flip and brown the other side. Cut each tortilla into four wedges before serving.

If you were to be so kind as to let me include a 5th ingredient, I’d probably sprinkle a little fresh chopped parsley or even cilantro over the cheese, too. And of course, a 6th ingredient would be butter to grease the griddle first, but it does work on a dry griddle.

I love good food and think about it a lot, but not always. People are surprised to find I often don’t eat anything until 2 or 3 in the afternoon. I get lost in my work and it isn’t until my stomach starts to seriously growl that I remember. Other days I think about food combinations all day long. I can’t walk through a farmers’ market without getting inspired.

Coffee craving?

I disappoint people when I say this—especially as Seattle is now my home base—but I don’t drink coffee. Tea only. Coffee makes me bounce off walls. I once had an espresso and was awake for three days. I make exceptions, however, for coffee ice cream.

Favorite hometown food?

In San Francisco, where I’m from, I love the tea leaf salad at Burma Superstar (best name for a restaurant ever), a good Mission burrito, daikon cakes at Slanted Door, seafood tostada from the Primavera stall at the Ferry Plaza Farmers’ Market, and coffee-toffee ice cream from Bi-Rite Creamery.

In Seattle, where I spend most of my time now, I like the lasagna at Café Lago (ethereal and light, if you can imagine that), Ethiopian food, pizza at Delancey, chilaquiles at Senor Moose, and salted licorice ice cream from Molly Moon’s.

Ever been served breakfast in bed?

I used to date a mountain climber who brought me tea and hot bowls of cereal while I snuggled in my sleeping bag with a view of snowcapped peaks. That was pretty great.

Food that makes you gag?

Liver. There is nothing that can be done to redeem liver in my eyes.

Worst kitchen disaster:

I had a fondue party once where I nearly burnt the house down. Does that count?

Leftovers in your refrigerator?

At this moment: carrot salad from a picnic with friends, the tiniest bit of sorrel tart (my favorite recipe so far this year), and a good sized bowl of raspberry curd that I am trying to keep my mitts off. It’s hard because the stuff is addictive.

Your idea of a romantic meal:

I run the gamut: I love restaurants, but I also love a nice sunset picnic. One of my most romantic meals involved takeout and a car parked along the Pacific Ocean. It really depends who you’re sharing it with. With the right person, a PB&J could seem sublime.

Secret snack of shame?

Kraft Mac & Cheese, with the fluorescent orange “cheese” packet. I’m also a sucker for Jelly Belly jelly beans, but I’m not ashamed of that. I try to find the packet with the largest number of black beans, which are my favorite. I also have a fondness for sour gummy things, licorice chalk, and onion rings. I also eat an indecent amount of pickles. I’m not ashamed of that either.

Best restaurant if you’re not paying:

If I’m not paying I’d like to go somewhere I haven’t been. Blue Hill at Stone Barns, perhaps? I’d also like to fly to Italy and track down the tiny place near Mercatale in Chianti where I had the best pasta of my life—a mushroom ravioli that I will remember forever.

If you were a cocktail, what would you be?

A Greyhound—sweet and tart—or anything with ginger beer in it.

Favorite pizza place?

That’s hard. In Seattle I’m loving the Brooklyn-style pizzas that Brandon Pettit and Molly Wizenberg (Orangette) are making at Delancey. I also love the pizza at the Cheese Board and Arizmendi Bakeries in the Bay Area. They make only one pizza combo a day, with a chewy sourdough curst and toppings like roasted garlic, spinach, goat cheese. Very California, very good.

Extra credit: a great recipe with five or less ingredients

I recently learned you can make lemonade by putting a whole lemon (cut in quarters, all seeds removed) in a blender with water and sugar to taste. Blend it up, peel and all. I made a version with added spearmint, which was lovely. The leftovers made great popsicles.

How often do you think about eating?

Are you kidding me? All the time. I’m even thinking about food as I type this. Food is my mental screen saver, it pops up anytime my brain pauses: as I brush my teeth, while I’m in the shower (why do all my best ideas come when I’m shampooing?), most of the hours I’m supposed to be working, and especially when I’m driving. It’s a wonder I haven’t crashed my car (or lost my job). You know that saying, that guys think about sex every seven seconds? That’s probably how often I think about food.

Coffee craving?

A wet cappuccino with a dainty dash of cinnamon. Also, Ben and Jerry’s Coffee Heath Bar Crunch, if I may.

Favorite hometown food?

I spent much of my childhood in San Diego, where we had these fast food Mexican restaurants on every corner called either Alberto’s, Roberto’s, or Umberto’s, which all fell under the umbrella nickname of “Berto’s.” They’re kind of the Southern California equivalent to Ray’s Pizza in New York: independently owned, but the food at each one is practically identical. They’re most revered for their taquitos (smothered in guacamole and sour cream), quesadillas, and three-pound burritos. It’s cheap, greasy, and unbelievably good. Smother it all in hot sauce, chase it with an horchata, and it’s like a perfect storm in your belly. Sometimes delicious hurts.

Ever been served breakfast in bed?

I have, if four a.m. counts as breakfast. Not too long ago I had a terrible fit of insomnia, and was miserably wide awake in the wee hours of morning. My patient, perfect husband got up and made me chamomile tea and nutty wheat toast smeared with apricot jam, brought it to me on a tray, and stayed up watching Barney Miller with me until I was sleepy. Might just be the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for me. Especially the apricot jam part.

Your absolutely reliable, go-to dish for entertaining is:

Nothing. I have a complete fear of commitment when it comes to recipes. I tend to love’em and leave’em. In fact, I throw a series of dinner parties called the Apocalypse Dinners, in which I invite a bunch of people over and make dangerous, untested recipes while drinking wine. Everyone ends up in the kitchen, waiting to see if the whole evening goes up in flames, their cell phones at the ready lest emergency pizza delivery (or the fire department) is needed. Miraculously, the food always ends up great. If I take myself too seriously, or worry about impressing people with a perfected recipe, I miss out on the best parts of the night.

Food that makes you gag?

I’m pretty fearless, but a recent run-in with hog casings caused a near-vomit experience.

Worst kitchen disaster:

Clogged sink on Thanksgiving. I had to rinse my 27-pound cider-brined bird in my bathtub. Oh, and I was also partially responsible for a sourdough starter that made a mason jar EXPLODE. There are still petrified yeast splatters on my friend’s ceiling.

Three things in your refrigerator right now:

Bottle of Rosé, goat cheese, and the world’s largest artichokes, but not for long.

Your idea of a romantic meal is:

Nothing too precious. As a general rule, I prefer messy and comforting to fancy. Grilled pizza and a bottle of Barolo on the patio is unbelievably romantic. I’m also a big fan of sharing, especially when it comes to dessert: two spoons dipping into a chocolate soufflé is damn sexy.

Secret snack of shame?

Oh, honey, I have no shame. You’re talking to a grown woman who openly admits that one of her favorite meals is chili cheese fries. I regularly eat ice cream in the middle of the day straight from the carton, and I dip my pizza crust in bottled ranch dressing.

However, my all-time favorite snack is not all that scandalous: toasted sourdough bread topped with avocado, salt and pepper. I grew up on three acres of avocado trees, so avocado has a recurring role in my snack fantasies.

Most ambitious thing you’ve ever done in the kitchen:

Hm, let’s see. I’ve deep fried four Cornish game hens at once, one bubbling dangerously on each burner. (Wearing protective goggles and elbow-length gloves as I did it, I might add.) Also, I’m oddly intimidated by anything that requires rising and kneading, so each bread recipe I successfully attempt feels like a major accomplishment.

But most days, I prefer making things that calm me. I live for the aroma of onions sautéed in butter; the simple act of stirring a soup, tasting and adjusting it along the way. I love to bake anything that makes the house smell like vanilla, or better yet, almond extract. Cooking is very therapeutic for me, a safe haven from all that’s expected and required of me in real life. So, other than the occasional Apocalypse Dinner, I’m usually drawn to recipes that are more comforting than ambitious. I believe cooking shouldn’t be hard work. It should be restorative, rewarding. Hence the idea of Culinerapy.

Best restaurant if you’re not paying:

Babbo, in New York. I love that it feels like a neighborhood joint, with rock music blasting while you’re humbly served some of the best food you’ve ever tasted.

If you were a cocktail, what would you be?

Grey Goose and soda, with two lemons. I’m not sure if this relates to my personality in any way whatsoever, but it sure does taste good.

Extra Credit: Where is the world’s best pizza?

I’m gonna give my Los Angeles some love and say Casa Bianca in Eagle Rock, and the fennel sausage and scallion pie at Pizzeria Mozza. Thin, chewy crusts, not too saucy, unconventional flavors and toppings surprising you with every bite. I know California pizza is controversial, but Controversy is my middle name.

Not really. It’s Johanna.

How often do you think about eating?

I suppose the cool food kid thing to say would be, “I think about dinner before I wake up,” or something like that. But you know what the real answer is? Too often. I’m serious. I’d rather I’d saved some of my brain cells for, like, how to show my parents that I love them instead of where I’m going to have a taco next.

Coffee craving?

I like my coffees fruity and bright when I’m drinking them by themselves, and a little richer and chocolate-ier when I’m having them with sweets, because those are the coffees that tend to bloom the flavor of flour and fat. I like my coffee almost always at around 2 or 3 in the afternoon. I like my coffee then because I like it after meals, and also because if I have it in the morning on an empty stomach I will feel like a crazy person all day long. A crazy person. All day long.

Favorite hometown food?

I guess I’m not sure what you mean by “hometown,” but if you mean “where you grew up,” I’d take you to Livingston, NJ, and buy you some wursts at Kramer’s Pork Store, in large part because the other tenant in its building is Jerusalem West Kosher Restaurant. Many crises of conscience have been had in its parking lot.

Ever been served breakfast in bed?

If I have, it was served by my mother, and I was probably barfing either not long before or after. What I’m saying is that there was very little romance in it.

Your absolutely reliable, go-to dish for entertaining is:

I actually don’t have very many things I make over and over. Usually I buy something that looks good and cobble together a meal out of it and whatever happens to be lying around. But I guess the single thing I’ve fed to the most people is my late-season ratatouille. By the way, thanks for the opportunity for me to remember and go back to that post. I just found, fully a year and a half after I wrote it, that someone finally logged in to comment! They said, “Not too appetizing.” I didn’t even earn a complete sentence.

Food that makes you gag?

Apologies, but I’m going to recycle the answer I gave Ganda: “Mid-grade fake food. How do I explain? Take macaroni and cheese: Macaroni with real cheese? Delicious. Macaroni with orange powder made into a buttery slurry? Delicious. Velveeta? Fucking atrocious.”

Worst kitchen disaster:

We were a half-hour into dinner service when I realized the lunch prep guy was either delusional or lying when he told me he hooked up a whole bunch of mushroom strudels for me. It was totally my fault. I didn’t check. Now I was three orders from running out, the restaurant’s owner was coming in for dinner in 10 minutes, and my partner on the station burned herself going into the oven, dropping our last-ditch attempt at redemption all over the floor. I survived that night, but did not conduct myself with dignity or honor.

Three things in your refrigerator right now:

Parmigiano Reggiano, smuggled Chinese ham, an unsustainable quantity of butter.

Your idea of a romantic meal is:

One where the person you’re with wants to be there exactly as much as you do.

Secret snack of shame?

Screw that. You like something, own up to it.

Most ambitious thing you’ve done in the kitchen:

Telling my friend Christine that I wasn’t in love with her, but that if I thought it would be okay to, I would be in a heartbeat. I am. She is, too.

Best restaurant if you’re not paying:

I was going to go off on some whole long thing about the importance of quality, about how a truly great restaurant – no matter how expensive – always feels like a value, and about how I would love to be so grounded that I wouldn’t mind not having the things that I can’t afford, but: Daniel.

If you were a cocktail, what would you be?

I’m not sure, but I like the sophistication of gin, the masculinity of whiskey, and the complexity of digestifs like Cynar. But really I’m probably more like apple juice.

Extra Credit: Where is the world’s best pizza?

The world is a big place, but the best pizza I’ve ever had is at DiFara’s. Nobody cares about his pizza more than Dom DeMarco.

What is the craziest thing you’ve ever eaten on pizza?

You know I don’t get crazy with my pizza.  I don’t do pineapple and jalapenos like some people. You think you’re being cute, but -  is this the first of 14 questions designed to get a rise out of me?

What is your favorite song to cook to?

If I am chopping onions I put on Joni Mitchell’s “Blue,” because if I’m going to be crying, I might as well be miserable.

What is your biggest kitchen disaster (if a cook as perfect as you has any?)

Again with the cute. Just because I tell you how to hold a knife and not chop your fingers off doesn’t mean I can’t mess up. You’ve only seen my experienced phase, not the early doofus years.

I’ve scrambled pastry cream and saved a few tippy wedding cakes – but I’d say the most unpleasant wreck occurred in my apprentice days at an extra-famous shmancy Chicago restaurant that Dad says will absolutely not be named now or at any other time. I accidentally omitted sugar from two souffles that were then served, and as I’ve noted before, people who order high-priced desserts want perfect, and behave rather badly without it.  May your disaster never happen in a well-heeled dining room.

Who is the TV celeb chef you hate the most, and why?

Now this is just silly. You’re not going to get me to tell them that – the Internets are forever! Besides, she’s wildly successful – er, every day – and I’m just blogging about dinner.  Every other day, at best.

What is your most hated dish at family gatherings?

What’s with all the hate talk?  Haven’t we always told you that hate is a big word? That we only hate hot weather and frizzy hair?

That said…get serious.  I can’t answer that, because I want them to still welcome you at Passover long after I’m gone.  Everything on the table is fantastic.  Every dish that every single person brings is wonderful.

What celeb would you most like to cook you a meal?

Hmm.  I’ll take Harrison Ford – circa Working Girl – carrying a breakfast tray of waffles and mimosas.  In a nice white hotel robe.  Don’t tell Dad.

We all know that you don’t eat your own pastries very much.  What’s the one sweet thing that tempts you?

Okay, you know this, but fine – Lemon Meringue Pie, Pecan Pie (warm, of course) and Key Lime Pie.  In that order.  Also, fresh-baked rugelach occasionally call from the tray.  I am their first responder.

Who is your cooking or baking idol?

Julia Child.  When I was five, I’d sit in front of the TV and goggle at Julia, whacking cleavers and slapping giant fish.  When she raised her wine glass at the end and said “Bon Appetit,” I’d raise an imaginary glass back.  I achingly miss Julia Child.

If you let me and Dad cook all week, what do you think would happen?

There would be a few frozen burritos, one half-peeled orange and a dozen trips to Free State Brewery.

Who is your superhero alter ego?

Wonder Woman, of course.  The outfit, the power…the bracelets.  Hey!  That’s not a food question.

Describe your ideal romantic meal.

Dad and I are clinking glasses in Paris, and you are at military school.

Okay, you ask everyone else, so…what drink would you be?

Irish Coffee: warm and cozy, with a stealthy knockout punch.

Who do you think is the cutest celeb chef?

You are watching way too much TV. Tomorrow, it’s after-school potato peeling.

Who is your perfect sous chef?  Moi?

Yes, it’s vous.

I should hope.

Except when you pitch fits about telling you things. Like – how to do them right.

Whatever.

We think about eating almost every minute of the day. Thoughts of ingredients, cooking, then eating brings us comfort and sanity , especially during long work days.

Todd – The only exception is if I get pre-occupied with a project or something, then I forget about food or anything else. Soon I’m starving and cranky and Diane has to remind me to eat something.

Diane – I think about cooking constantly and I eat from there! After all the dishes are washed, I think about the next dish and meal. It’s a delicious cycle.

Coffee craving?

But of course! For us, it’s more like a necessity than a craving.

Todd – A cappuccino in the morning, 1-2 Viet iced coffee’s during the day and an espresso at night when I’m entertaining at home or eating out.

Diane – Cappuccino or Viet iced coffee in the morning and a con panna at night (espresso with whipped cream).

Favorite hometown food?

Todd – Nestled deep in a canyon in Northeastern Oregon is Red’s Horse Ranch. The only way in is a long hike, horse ride or airplane flight. Once you’re there, the biscuits and hamburger gravy are phenomenal. I’m salivating just writing about it.

Diane – Morning bowls of noodle soup at my local noodle houses. A hot, brothy bowl of noodle soup in a busy noodle joint, filled with the sounds of slurping is comforting.  It always feel like home, no matter where I am.

Ever been served breakfast in bed?

No. We’re night owls. But we have had dessert in bed a couple of time though. *wink*

Your absolutely reliable, go-to dish for entertaining is:

Our baked sweet onion dip. This warm, cheesy dip with a baguette and a great bottle of wine is all we need for a wonderful evening with friends. The combination of these three makes for a full meal. How can you go wrong or hungry with cheese, bread and wine?

Food that makes you gag?

Todd – duck fetuses are just a little over the top for me. Crazy Asians.

Diane – Snake wine. The visuals of a brining snake in a jar throws me over the edge. I just can’t swallow it…

Worst kitchen disaster:

A last minute attempt at making a giant cupcake as the main birthday cake for a catering gig. It was one huge lopsided mess. Worst of all, we didn’t bring any candles, so the host had to use one of the tea lights from her house decor to put on top of the cupcake.

Three things in your refrigerator right now:

Homemade kimchi, a batch of Pho noodle soup, and lots of great stinky cheese.

Your idea of a romantic meal is:

Both of us going to the market and bringing home the goods to cook for each other. We’ll work together on a dish and make our own individual, special dishes. Finally, grabbing a bottle of one of our favorite wines that we laid down for a while finishes off the meal perfectly.

Secret snack of shame?

Todd – Tootsie Rolls. I’ll eat the whole bag.

Diane – Banana Twinkies. I’ll eat half the box and hide the rest so that Todd can’t find them. Yes, they’re all mine. He’ll eat all his tootsie rolls and my twinkies too!

Most ambitious thing you’ve ever done in the kitchen:

Todd – Thomas Keller’s agnolotti. I still haven’t figured out how to make that pasta yet. And the chocolate truffle cake with raspberries from The Professional Pastry Chef Book by Bo Friberg. I can finally nail this cake now!

Diane – Making banh cuon (Viet steamed rice rolls) over 3 pots at one time for my parents dinner parties. I was 12 years old back then. I still haven’t made banh cuon since. But every time I walk into my parents garage and see those big pots and round, metal frames, I get tempted to make them again for my own dinner parties.

Best restaurant if you’re not paying:

The French Laundry. We’re dying to eat there, but just haven’t made the pilgrimage up there and shelled out the cash yet.

If you were a cocktail, what would you be?

Todd – Classic Sidecar : cognac (equals mild sophistication), triple sec (a little sweet & fruity), lemon juice (sour and makes you pucker at times) Plus it was named after a dude who was chauffeured to his favorite bar in the sidecar of a motorcycle and regularly had a this cocktail. The man had style. I’m still working on it.

Diane – Salty Chihuahua: grapefruit juice , tequila and a salted rim, three of my favorites!

Extra Credit: Where is the world’s best pizza?

Somewhere in Rome (we forgot the name, but never the pizza).

Food is my job, so I think about eating all the time. I think in terms of what my readers would want and what they might enjoy cooking and eating. And at the end of the day, almost every day, the realization hits me: What am I going to have for dinner?

Coffee craving?

I love good coffee. Several years ago, a friend of mine and I searched the internet for new coffees to try. We took turns ordering once a month and splitting the coffee to brew at home. My favorite was Deadman’s Reach coffee from Raven’s Brew Coffee out of Alaska. It’s a wonderful dark roast with a bonus of creative illustrations.

Favorite hometown food?

We have great pork here in Iowa, so I guess a grilled Iowa chop is probably my favorite hometown food. It’s fat and juicy and always too much.

Ever been served breakfast in bed?

My children served me my first breakfast in bed when they were younger. It was the basic toast and cereal, and I was suitably impressed. That doesn’t happen anymore. Instead, they want me to make them breakfast.

Your absolutely reliable, go-to dish for entertaining is:

I have a dish that’s angel hair pasta, whipping cream, lemon peel and shredded Parmesan. It’s so easy and goes well with any kind of meat/fish/poultry.

Food that makes you gag?

In my business, I’m expected to eat about anything without so much as a blink of the eye. I have to work hard to not blink when eating plain chicken livers. Not my favorite.

Worst kitchen disaster:

My husband and I were having friends for dinner and I was pulling the heavy chocolate cheesecake from the oven when a thin potholder didn’t do the job. The pain of the heat caused me to drop the cheesecake. The dessert totally fell apart and, worst of all, dented my springform pan. I served spur-of-the-moment hot fudge sundaes instead and I told our dinner guests what they might have eaten for dessert. They insisted on trying the cheesecake, and so I served a second dessert as well: bowls of cheesecake pieces with dollops of whipped cream.

Three things in your refrigerator right now:

Six kinds of barbecue sauce, a bag of Clementine oranges and a leftover cheeseball.

Your idea of a romantic meal is:

I like any restaurant with good food and a view. I especially love the weather extremes, such as cold winter nights with a fireplace blazing in the room and a candlelit table looking out on a snowy landscape.

Secret snack of shame?

Eating more warm-from-the-oven chocolate chip cookies than I should. I guess I could say eating warm-from-the-oven any kind of cookies is my secret shame. They’re too irresistible.

Most ambitious thing you’ve ever done in the kitchen:

I boned a whole chicken, then stuffed it. It was an engineering feat. After it was roasted, it was so easy to carve.

Best restaurant if you’re not paying:

There are so many noteworthy restaurants that would fit this category. The one that comes to mind is Charlie Trotter’s in Chicago. I’ve never dined there and would love to try Charlie’s food.

If you were a cocktail, what would you be?

A chocolate martini

Extra Credit: Where is the world’s best pizza?

In my Midwest world, it would have to be Chicago’s deep-dish pizza.

ed: oh, how I love a right answer.